INT. POLICE STATION - SHARON’S INTERROGATION ROOM - PRESENT SHARON sits at a table opposite OFFICER SLOAN (40’s). Sharon *is on edge, glances at the cigarettes in her purse.
I’ll give you fifty bucks if you let me smoke in here.
Sharon digs the cash out of her purse, slaps it on the table, pops a cigarette in her mouth, lights it. Your sister ever do anything like this before? No. She’s done other stupid things. But she’s never done anything exactly this stupid.
I take it you’re not terribly surprised.
Oh, I’m surprised. I just can’t say I’m shocked. This is her fourth arrest. Do these scrappy types commonly keep folks in their trunks? WONDERFALLS "CRIME DOG" 1AHM02 (YELLOW) 8/22/03 2.
INT. JAYE’S CAR TRUNK - NIGHT - FLASHBACK We’re looking up from INSIDE THE TRUNK as it POPS OPEN revealing several UNIFORMED OFFICERS looking down into the trunk. They react to something we can’t see (us, really.) WE SEE JAYE being hauled OUT OF FRAME behind them. They flash BRIGHT FLASHLIGHTS at us. As a FLASHLIGHT FLARES -- INT. POLICE STATION - SHARON’S INTERROGATION ROOM - PRESENT Sharon has risen from her seat, paces a little. CAMERA MOVES *with her. and REVEAL the TWO-WAY GLASS that looks into another interrogation room. JAYE is there with her face pressed up against the glass. She mouths the word, “hello?” *We can’t hear her, and it’s clear she can’t see us.
INT. POLICE STATION - JAYE’S INTERROGATION ROOM - PRESENT As we cut around to her side. We can’t see into the other room. She’s alone in here, cupping her hands against the two- *way mirror in an attempt to see what’s on the other side. A cardboard display featuring “MacGUFFIN, THE CRIME DOG” hocking peel-off information sheets sits in the corner behind her.
Hello? I’m not sure how this precinct interrogates people, but generally it’s Q&A. The Crime Dog on the display ANIMATES, turns to Jaye.
INT. POLICE STATION - JAYE’S INTERROGATION ROOM - PRESENT Jaye sits at the table, her jaw cradled in open palms, staring at the Crime Dog display -- which happens to be staring back at her. She covers her mouth and speaks low, barely moving her lips: If I go to jail I’ll rat your ass out faster than you can say “boo.” I don’t care. I’m tellin’ them.
The door opens and OFFICER HALE (40’s, female, warm, attractive and confident) ENTERS holding a cup of coffee.
I wasn’t speaking rhetorically. I said do you think that’s funny? Hale’s demeanor suddenly goes sour, she raises her voice: You broke the law, bitch. And you presume to come in here and waste my time being funny? Who the fu -- INT. POLICE STATION - JAYE’S INTERROGATION ROOM - CONTINUOUS 3A Hale pokes her finger in Jaye’s face as she berates her on the other side of the glass. Jaye stares back, horrified. We don’t hear a thing. This goes on.
INT. POLICE STATION - JAYE’S INTERROGATION ROOM - CONTINUOUS 3B Hale takes a deep, cleansing breath, having just finished her tirade.
Now, I didn’t like that anymore than you did. I don’t enjoy raising my voice to people. I enjoy respecting people. I enjoy communicating with people. Are we gonna be able to communicate, Jaye? Hale pulls up a chair. Jaye stares back, afraid to move.
You don’t have anything to hide, do you? You don’t feel like you need a lawyer, or.
Good. So let’s communicate. Tell me about the last time you saw your family's housekeeper before she ended up in your trunk? INT. JAYE’S CAR - TRUNK - DAY - FLASHBACK DARK. The trunk pops open exposing blinding daylight and REVEALING JAYE several days earlier. She’s wearing her work smock. We are -- WONDERFALLS "CRIME DOG" 1AHM02 (YELLOW) 8/22/03 6.
Jaye struggles with a large garbage sack wedged in the trunk. She finally frees the Hefty bag, slings it over her shoulder. She passes several plastic lawn flamingos on her way to the door. She eyes them suspiciously. Once she gets to the door and has her back to them -- You might wanna hold that from the bottom.
There’s no reason for you to be talking so shut your little mouth. Just shut it.
Jaye realizes the MALE VOICE belongs to the GARDENER planting *a bush in the yard.
The Gardener quietly returns to his work. Jaye grabs her -- SHARON’S CAR screeches to a stop in front of the house. A hyped-up Sharon hops out of her car and hurries toward the house. Jaye kicks the door shut behind her. Sharon hits the door hard expecting it to open, but it doesn’t. She jiggles the latch -- locked. She simultaneously knocks and fumbles for her keys.
INT. TYLER HOUSE - KITCHEN - DAY - FLASHBACK DAD and AARON are pecking over the remnants of a delicious pancake breakfast. MOM paces with a plate of food as she chats with YVETTE, the family maid (40’s), who is washing the dishes. Yvette speaks with a French accent.
That Gibson woman across the street. Every cat she has runs away the first chance it gets. Jaye ENTERS dragging her bag of laundry.
They’re very good. She put figs in the batter. Isn’t that creative? WONDERFALLS "CRIME DOG" 1AHM02 (YELLOW) 8/22/03 8.
Jaye smiles at Yvette, sets the Hefty bag on the floor.
Jaye’s already making her way to the door as Yvette heads to wanna be late for work, that’s all.
Jaye flashes him a look -- shut the fuck up.
He said there’s room for improvement but he’s been generally very happy with your performance.
Why are you talking to the mouth-breather. about my performance? WONDERFALLS "CRIME DOG" 1AHM02 (YELLOW) 8/22/03 9.
Sweetheart, Doctor Ron asked about you the other day. You really should go back and see him. Ignoring your little stress issue won’t make it go away.
It will if we stop talking about it.
Jaye looks over to see the COW CREAMER on the table has come to life and is staring at her.
Mom follows Sharon out. Dad pushes his chair back, calls to: WONDERFALLS "CRIME DOG" 1AHM02 (YELLOW) 8/22/03 10.
Dad EXITS leaving Aaron alone at the table. Aaron turns to see Jaye surreptitiously addressing the Cow Creamer.
Jaye turns around and sees Aaron staring at her. Yvette happily pours some batter on the grill.
I’ll make sure you get lots of figs in yours.
Were you just talking to the Cow Creamer? WONDERFALLS "CRIME DOG" 1AHM02 (YELLOW) 8/22/03 11.
Mom ENTERS, Sharon following quickly behind. Mom composes herself, trying to appear calm.
Yvette. You need to go with Sharon now. Her toilet’s flooded. It’s By “emergency” do you mean there’s poop everywhere? Yes, Aaron. There’s poop everywhere.
She should eat. You worry about her being thin.
Dad emerges from the front door as TWO CRUMPLY-SUITED B.C.I.S. OFFICERS approach the house, flash badges.
Good morning, sir. I’m Officer Donikian with the B.C.I.S.
Oh, you must be looking for Sharon.
She’s in the kitchen. Go on ahead. I’m late for a Cholecystectomy. WONDERFALLS "CRIME DOG" 1AHM02 (YELLOW) 8/22/03 12.
Not mine. Somebody else’s. Keep up the good work.
Dad gives them the “thumbs up” and crosses to his car. The crumply-suited B.C.I.S. Officers make their way inside.
INT. TYLER HOUSE - KITCHEN - DAY - FLASHBACK Jaye, Aaron, Sharon, Mom and Yvette. As before.
It’s almost finished. Look, bubbles.
With that, the B.C.I.S. Officers ENTER, flash their badges.
Good morning. I’m Officer Donikian. This is Officer Arnold. We’re with the B.C.I.S.
The Bureau of Citizenship and Immigration Services.
We’re looking for Yvette Lagimodiere.
Miss Lagimodiere, we have a warrant for your deportation.
Jaye shoots the Cow Creamer a look. Aaron clocks this.
INT. POLICE STATION - AARON’S INTERROGATION ROOM - PRESENT Aaron sits opposite Sloan. The Cow Creamer is on the table.
I was hoping this was one of those odorless cocaine dolls. I never seen one of them before.
Sloan stares at the creamer, scratches his head.
I like cows. They’re docile and. keep to themselves.
EXT. NEAR U.S. CUSTOMS BUILDING - ROAD BLOCK - NIGHT - Aaron stands next to Jaye’s car. His arms are raised in the air; he’s holding the Cow Creamer in one hand. The interactive glow of dozens of police lights dance across his terrified face. Think “Midnight Express.” WONDERFALLS "CRIME DOG" 1AHM02 (YELLOW) 8/22/03 14.
INT. POLICE STATION - AARON’S INTERROGATION ROOM - PRESENT Any reason you’re fond of this particular cow? He tries not to think about the double meaning.
Jaye moves from shelf to shelf restocking items from a box she’s carrying. She’s a little manic and distracted. She turns to see Aaron holding the Cow Creamer and startles.
Is this triggering recovered memories or something? No, no. It’s just. it’s dirty. And there are already too many things here with faces.
Jaye resumes re-stocking the shelves. Aaron stalks her.
You’re being weird. Why are you being weird? Are your pupils I expect the entitled invasion of privacy from Mom and Dad and whatshername, but not from you. WONDERFALLS "CRIME DOG" 1AHM02 (YELLOW) 8/22/03 15.
Last time you were at the house, you got mad at those little pig-shaped salt and pepper shakers. Is this about farm animals or is it about condiments? Strange men came into our home like those homosexuals that do make-overs, and just. they just took Yvette. They took her. And you didn’t even blink.
I blinked. I blinked plenty. I’m sad Yvette got deported. She cooked and did things. I said I was sad. I’m gonna miss her. I already miss her. But Mom and Dad are gonna buy a new person to cook and do things, right? Jaye glances at the creamer; Aaron takes note.
Bring her home. Bring her home. Bring her home. Bring her home. WONDERFALLS "CRIME DOG" 1AHM02 (YELLOW) 8/22/03 16.
She grabs the creamer and drops it in a Wonderfalls bag. Throughout the following, MUFFLED from the bag, the Cow Creamer recites an endless chant of: practically raised us. You should do something.
Hey. Why aren’t you talkin’ to Sharon? She’s an immigration attorney for godssake. She might surprise us all and be useful.
EXT. CITY HALL - PARKING LOT - DAY - FLASHBACK HAND-HELD VIDEO FOOTAGE FROM A NEWS CAMERA’S B-ROLL. We HEAR the clamor of footsteps as the CAMERA starts on the ground on feet scrambling in a running pursuit of.
.SHARON. CAMERA finds her walking quickly out to the car. A REPORTER rushes into FRAME, pushing a microphone into Sharon’s face as she unlocks her car door. Several more arms enter FRAME wielding microphones. Would you like to respond to criticisms that local authorities employed gestapo tactics to apprehend illegal immigrants? WONDERFALLS "CRIME DOG" 1AHM02 (YELLOW) 8/22/03 17.
Sharon’s hurt and confused that someone would say this.
That’s ridi -- Who said -- That is so unfair. Yes, we have sent a message to our illegal population that our immigration laws cannot be ignored. But I assure you no one’s rights were violated.
Sharon hurries to get into her car, then much more upbeat: And I’d just like to add that the United States has a generous program of legal immigration to which aspiring Americans are welcome to avail themselves.
As Sharon smiles and puts on her best television face.
Miserable Sharon sits at a table with Jaye and Aaron. The table is covered with dirty dishes, as are the surrounding tables. ERIC busses tables in the background.
You’re a horrible, horrible person.
I didn’t even know she was illegal until this morning. She’s been living here on an expired visa since 1982. That’s the summer she took me to E.T. and told me I had boobs.
You must be kicking yourself. You could’ve got her deported a long time ago.
I could’ve got her citizenship, you ass. This isn’t my fault. It’s not like I reported her. She was on a list. WONDERFALLS "CRIME DOG" 1AHM02 (YELLOW) 8/22/03 18.
Jaye reacts, she didn’t mean it to come out that way.
If we’re being brutally honest, then yes.
Eric approaches with a large rubber tub, brimming with dirty dishes. He starts to clear their table.
They deported two busboys and a dishwasher.
They took our housekeeper. Did you meet my sister, Sharon? This is all her fault.
The NEWS B-CAMERA FOOTAGE of Sharon is now framed by a colorful boarder sporting the “Channel 9 News” logo. Sharon comes off as an unlikable bitch in the edited sound-bite: Did you employ gestapo tactics to apprehend illegal immigrants? WONDERFALLS "CRIME DOG" 1AHM02 (YELLOW) 8/22/03 19.
Yes, we have sent a message to our illegal population that our immigration laws cannot be ignored. I’m sorry I was rude to your sister.
He moves off continuing to bus tables.
You needed that pancake? Was it worth it? Was it the best pancake ever? I hope so.
was trying to get Yvette out of there but you just had to have that Yeah. You were being really weird with the whole pancake thing.
Oh, yawn. Can’t you just fix it? You know, like before they ship her off to Mexico or whatever.
I tried. She’s gone. They’re putting her on a bus. They’re kicking her out of the country and they’re not letting her back.
INT. POLICE STATION - SHARON’S INTERROGATION ROOM - PRESENT 15 Sharon tosses a smoking cigarette into a Styrofoam coffee cup on the table -- several butts float on the surface. Sloan sits opposite her, as before.
I love them, I do. But they can be mean-spirited. I wouldn’t say they’re mean people, but they can be mean-spirited. They used to ignore me for hours. when we were much younger. If they did that now I’d. I’d just leave the room.
You think the way this went -- what it devolved into -- that might’ve been a personal attack on you? No. Oh, god, no. If I’ve learned anything from Aaron and Jaye it’s that it’s not about me. Ever.
It’s like I’m listening to my own life story. I’ve got a couple of sisters. Always them against -- Except right now. Right now, this is about me. I did everything in my power short of breaking the law to keep Yvette in this country.
She grabs another cigarette, before she lights: Sharon rises, paces. CAMERA MOVES with her. she looks into *Jaye’s interrogation room. Hale’s in there yelling at her Sharon takes Jaye in for a beat, then, coldly: WONDERFALLS "CRIME DOG" 1AHM02 (YELLOW) 8/22/03 22.
INT. TYLER HOUSE - KITCHEN - DAY - FLASHBACK Mom, Dad, Sharon, Aaron and Jaye. Dad paces, trying to wrap his mind around this. He looks to Mom -- This is a mistake. You were at the naturalization ceremony when Yvette took the pledge of allegiance. She’s as American as any of us.
There was no naturalization ceremony. She failed that little U.S.A. test three times. She’s not American. She’s French-Canadian. At least it’s the same continent.
You’ve been lying to your entire family about this for twenty years? I wasn’t lying the whole time. There was the initial lie and then I just never bothered to tell you the truth. I’m not proud of it.
I knew she should’ve gone to those citizenship classes.
I couldn’t have her in school all day. There were things that needed to be done. WONDERFALLS "CRIME DOG" 1AHM02 (YELLOW) 8/22/03 24.
This is why I was afraid to tell you. I knew you’d be upset.
Do you know how embarrassing this is for Sharon? She looks like an ass. I look like an ass. I play golf with politicians who feel very strongly about this issue. Oh, don’t be such a drama queen. Can’t you just make a phone call? No, I can’t just make a phone call. This isn’t a victim-less crime. The money you were paying Yvette could’ve gone to an American minority worker or someone who doesn’t have a high school degree.
We didn’t like those minority workers, we liked Yvette. She’s the one we invited into our home. Dad stands up and takes a deep breath, then quietly walks out of the room. As he goes: It’s just very, very sad. I’m very sad.
The room is still for a moment after Dad is gone, then: Sharon, go talk to him. You’re his favorite. WONDERFALLS "CRIME DOG" 1AHM02 (YELLOW) 8/22/03 25.
Sharon reacts, hops up and goes after Dad. Jaye and Aaron exchange a look -- were we just dissed? They sit there in silence for a moment.
Why can’t we just go get her and smuggle her back? So we just stick her in a storage unit with a mini-fridge and a Port-O-Potty until he cools off. Or a hotel. The important thing is we bring her home. That’s what we need to do. That’s our goal.
Mom looks to Jaye and Aaron’s sad little faces. Then: I’ll give you all the cash I have in my wallet. Mom, Jaye and Aaron go silent as Sharon steps back into the room. Awkward beat, clearly she’s interrupted something.
A line of cars waits to pass through the manned checkpoint.
Jaye at the wheel; Aaron’s in the passenger seat. she was from Canada, but I sorta stopped listening after that. I guess her family was really, really poor and.
You know she did. She was an only child and had no friends and when she was sixteen a baby Jesus ornament ignited the Christmas tree and burned the entire house down. Her parents died in the fire.
You’re lying. You’re just like Mom. Full of lies.
She fled the country so she wouldn’t have to move in with relatives she hated.
Ohmygod. Ohmygod. Why does everything have to be so dramatic? Jaye reels a bit from the drama of it all.
Can you imagine if the baby Jesus killed Mom and Dad? I’d be devastated. My life would never be the same.
And you know Sharon’s gonna throw herself on Dad’s coffin when it goes into the ground.
Somehow I don’t think the folks dyin’ is gonna have that big of an impact on your life.
That doesn’t make me a bad person.
You wear your hillbilly trailer park lifestyle around your neck like a ring of garlic. Are you WONDERFALLS "CRIME DOG" 1AHM02 (YELLOW) 8/22/03 28.
Mom and Dad have no concept of boundaries. I’m sorry, but they know she goes through your stuff all the time? All the time. How It helps that I don’t pay rent. And there’s a safe in my closet where I keep all my porn.
I’m not interested. I’m concerned.
That’s why it’s unspoken, moron.
He pulls the Cow Creamer out of a duffle bag and sticks it on *the dash. Jaye and Aaron can be seen arguing in the car. Jaye hasn’t noticed that the other cars in front of her have passed through. She’s several lengths away from the row of manned checkpoint booths. The BORDER PATROL OFFICERS watch them arguing. They’re holding up the cars behind them.
You want me to cry? If I cry will you tell me what’s wrong with you? Oh, boo-hoo. Because I don’t like your Cow Creamer? A BORDER PATROL OFFICER leans down to Jaye’s window.
Just nifty. Is there a problem? Are you having second thoughts about visiting our little country? The Officer points to the passports on the seat between them.
If you like, you can pull on forward and I’ll see to it you’re taken care of.
Jaye glances at Aaron and puts the car in gear. The Border Patrol Officer whistles as he walks along with the car as Jaye pulls forward. The Border Patrol Officer steps inside his booth, pulls the door shut and addresses Jaye and Aaron through the sliding glass window: Jaye hands them over. He studies them.
INT. POLICE STATION - JAYE’S INTERROGATION ROOM - PRESENT When an agent of a sovereign nation asks those questions, you’re expected to answer truthfully. It’s the law. Do you think you’re above the law, Jaye? Not really. I mean, I got arrested, didn’t I? WONDERFALLS "CRIME DOG" 1AHM02 (YELLOW) 8/22/03 31.
You entered a foreign country under false pretenses with the intent of committing a crime.
I actually haven’t admitted that. So you can’t put that down.
But you admit you were driving the vehicle and the vehicle you were driving was yours? And at no time during your stay with our neighbors to the north did someone else drive your vehicle? Can I put that down? EXT. CANADIAN BUS STATION - DAY - FLASHBACK Jaye sits on the hood of her car. The station is more or less deserted, a few stragglers haunt vending machines or sleep on benches. Aaron approaches from the ticket window.
Buffalo dropped everybody off two hours ago.
That guy just blew his nose on the ground. I thought Canadians were supposed to be clean.
Just don’t make eye contact. So what do we do now? I guess we work our way up and down the streets canvassing the ‘hood. We look for hotels, motels, all night diners, women’s shelters, anyplace she might -- WONDERFALLS "CRIME DOG" 1AHM02 (YELLOW) 8/22/03 32.
Yvette emerges from the women’s room wearing the same clothes she had on this morning and carrying a small suitcase.
Yvette is totally shocked to see them. She moves directly to Jaye and wraps her arms around her, squeezing tight. She takes a step back and looks at them both.
Oh, so wonderful. To take me home. but. I have not a home. Of course you have a home. And it’s getting dirtier by the minute without you. We should go.
The important officials have taken from me my passport.
They will send me to jail. I was told this.
Only if you get caught. Which you won’t, because you’ll be in the trunk. See? We’ve got pillows and a blanket in there.
She glances in, touched at the little space made for her.
This is a most beautiful kindness. But it is too dangerous.
Not this danger, cherie. The danger is to you and to your family. Your parents, and your sister, no? Mom wants you back, Dad’ll get over it, and Sharon. Sharon’s a bitch.
I don’t want to hear these words from your mouth to your sister. She is a good heart that maybe beats too fast. Yvette digs in her purse and pulls out an envelope. She holds it out. Jaye pushes it back toward Yvette, saying: You give it to him. On his birthday. In eight months.
This was all they had at the bus station. I had to say goodbye and I’m sorry. Please. Take it.
Yvette looks pleadingly to Jaye. Jaye takes the envelope. Fine. But we’re not leaving you in this bus station. Jaye driving, Aaron in the front seat, Yvette in the back. Aaron is counting a wad of bills.
will go further here. I will have a very nice room.
I just use it to clean my nails. I don’t actually have any money.
Nothing. Play ball in the house. Remember that, Yvette? With the house. And the ball. And the not playing.
You weren’t even talking to us, were you? Does your mother know you took her creamer? Jaye glances out the windshield and sees she’s rapidly approaching a red light. She doesn’t stop. Makes a hard right. Everyone shifts.
EXT. CANADIAN STREET - DAY - FLASHBACK - CONTINUOUS Jaye’s car swerves to avoid oncoming traffic.
INT. JAYE’S CAR - DAY - FLASHBACK - CONTINUOUS Jaye, Aaron and Yvette are all screaming.
EXT. CANADIAN STREET - DAY - FLASHBACK - CONTINUOUS She over-corrects and the car swerves, hops another curb, crashes through a flower garden and finally comes screeching to a halt in someone’s well-groomed front yard.
Jaye, Aaron and Yvette stare into middle-distance, their hearts pounding in their chests. The car CREAKS and a hubcap drops off, landing with a loud CLANKITY-CLANK. A STYLISH WOMAN IN HER 60’S (HELEN) emerges from the house. We’re fine. Sorry about your yard.
Helen stops short of the car and stares slack-jawed as Yvette emerges from the back seat.
Oh, god. oh, god -- I don’t believe it.
EXT. YVETTE'S PARENTS' HOUSE - DAY - FLASHBACK Where we left off. Yvette face-to-face with her mother. Jaye and Aaron in the b.g., amazed. Now a distinguished man, FRED, also in his sixties, emerges from the house. He stops short as he sees Yvette standing there.
They stare at each other -- so awkward. Finally Fred moves forward to give his daughter a halting, clumsy embrace. I thought they were supposed to be dirt poor? I can’t believe it’s you. Cindy.
Helen’s turn for an awkward hug, as we ANGLE JAYE AND AARON.
Cindy? Why she’s just a great big liar. Awesome.
You expect me to believe we just ended up on Yvette's-dead-parents’-who-aren't-really-dead-lawn by chance? I honestly don't care what you believe.
INT. POLICE STATION - JAYE’S INTERROGATION ROOM - PRESENT Well -- of course I care what you believe.
EXT. YVETTE'S PARENTS' HOUSE - DAY - FLASHBACK Continuing the moment. Helen reaches out, touches Yvette's face, almost as if to see if this is real.
You should have told us. we would have understood why you ran away. I’m your Grandfather Fred and this is your Grandmother Helen.
Grandmother makes me feel so old. Call me Nanoo Helen. WONDERFALLS "CRIME DOG" 1AHM02 (YELLOW) 8/22/03 39.
Mom, Dad -- Jaye and Aaron aren’t my children.
Disappointment flashes across the parents -- or is it relief? INT. YVETTE’S PARENTS’ HOUSE - SITTING ROOM - DAY - Everyone sitting together in an elegantly appointed living area. Is it ironic that an OLDER MAID (60s) serves them all tea and cakes? Aaron takes a cake.
But she’s more a member of the family than anything else.
I’m the Tylers’ housekeeper, Dad.
Your parents raised you. Don’t ever think otherwise.
Well, good. If their family can afford a live-in housekeeper they shouldn’t have any trouble paying for the damage done to the lawn.
Both Jaye and Aaron clock that, glance to their Yvette, who won’t meet their eyes at the moment. WONDERFALLS "CRIME DOG" 1AHM02 (YELLOW) 8/22/03 40.
I’m sorry we don’t have anything proper to serve you. You must be so hungry after your long drive. You’re right. Should have called first. I’m sorry. This was rude. We’ll do it again another time when it’s more convenient.
I know. Nobody meant anything. But these kids have a long drive ahead of them. So.thank you for the tea. It was nice seeing you again. I’m glad you’re well. But it’s late. Children? Let’s go.
She moves to the door. Her back is to Fred when he says: Yes. Leave. That’s what you do best.
How would you know what I do best? You don’t know a thing about me. WONDERFALLS "CRIME DOG" 1AHM02 (YELLOW) 8/22/03 41.
How could we? In twenty years we’ve received only half a dozen postcards to let us know you were even alive.
Which is more than I received from you in all the time I was under this roof.
You were our only child. We gave you everything. Everything except what I needed -- which was you. What was the word I spelled to win the fifth grade spelling bee? Of course you can’t be expected to remember something you never knew. Because you weren’t there. Is this why you’ve come back? To accuse us? No. That’s not. I didn’t. I shouldn’t have come back at all. Oh, no. You should have. She should have.
Do you have any idea what you put us through? All these years-- WONDERFALLS "CRIME DOG" 1AHM02 (YELLOW) 8/22/03 42.
What I put you through? I was gone two hours and these children came to another country to find me! But you.? I was at the local youth hostel for four months praying for you to find me. Did you even bother to call the police? Helen and Fred are silent. Yvette bites back any tears. You never wanted a child. I was raised by teachers and camp counselors and the “help.” If I was good at leaving it’s because you held the door. The parents are silent. Jaye’s tortured. It’s not okay. It’s not supposed to be like this. WONDERFALLS "CRIME DOG" 1AHM02 (YELLOW) 8/22/03 43.
EXT. YVETTE’S PARENTS’ HOUSE/INT. JAYE’S CAR - DAY - From the house emerges everyone. Jaye locks the car doors. She picks up the Cow Creamer, looks at it.
Hope you’re happy. ‘Cause nobody else is. What good did this do? You make me bring her all the way here just so she can feel like crap? You better start mooing me an answer or I’ll smash your porcelain ass so fast -- Aaron’s pounding the car window. Fred and Helen are in turns yelling at Aaron and at Yvette, Yvette is yelling back at them and shrugging off their advances.
Jaye! Jaye, open the door. Please stop talking to that creamer. Nothing. There’s nothing wrong with her. Go away.
IN THE CAR - muted noises of the ruckus without. Jaye focused on the creamer.
-- the escalating argument. Aaron pounds on the window. Fred comes up behind Aaron, grabs him by the shoulder, pointing and yelling to the damaged lawn. Aaron shrugs him away. Yvette yells at her father. Helen chastises Yvette. Aaron, worried, is still trying to get Jaye’s attention. Fred takes him by the shoulder again. He whirls on Fred, says something that must be pretty nasty, because now -- Fred CLOCKS AARON in the jaw. The force of the blow spins Aaron toward Jaye, shocked as shit. INT. POLICE STATION - AARON’S INTERROGATION ROOM - PRESENT EXT. YVETTE’S PARENTS’ HOUSE - DAY - FLASHBACK WHAM! A FIST lands a good one on Fred’s glass jaw. He goes down. Everyone reacts, looks to see -- Jaye standing there, large and in charge.
INT. POLICE STATION - JAYE’S INTERROGATION ROOM - PRESENT Hey -- no one’s more surprised than me on that. Honest.
EXT. YVETTE’S PARENTS’ HOUSE - DAY - FLASHBACK Aaron, so impressed and totally shocked, moves to obey Jaye’s command. Helen is helping Fred back to the house. WONDERFALLS "CRIME DOG" 1AHM02 (YELLOW) 8/22/03 45.
You wanted us to call the police? Fine, we’ll call the police! Yvette nods. They all pause before getting in the car as -- The Older Maid approaches from a side door, a paper bag in her hand and tears in her eyes. It’s the tomato, cut the way you like, thin, on the good bread -- For your trip, cherie.
Yvette takes the bag, then hugs the Maid intensely. ‘Oblique.’ That was the word you spelled. They disengage. The Maid wipes her tears and turns to go as Yvette turns back to Jaye, as. THE TRUNK LID pops up into FOREGROUND. Off Yvette’s reaction (”Oh, good. The trunk.”) Jaye and Aaron driving in silence for a beat. Finally: I barely tapped him. Old people go down easy.
I sense you’re not ready to talk about this.
My god, it’s like we’re connected.
We are. Which is why I just have to say, as your brother -- I’m gonna be relentless until you tell me what’s going on with you.
She considers that, but reacts as she spots something: Tense silence as Jaye’s car rolls up to the checkpoint. Jaye hands them over. He looks from them to Jaye and Aaron. *Back to the passports. Back to Jaye and Aaron. Back to the WONDERFALLS "CRIME DOG" 1AHM02 (YELLOW) 8/22/03 47.
Now he starts walking around the car. Jaye notes.
Nearby, another car has been pulled over, its PASSENGERS standing outside the car while BORDER GUARDS do a complete search -- trunk open, doors open, a Guard’s ass sticking out Jaye glances into the sideview mirror, sees his SHAPE lurking *near the trunk. She can’t stand to keep watching. Looks forward. He reappears suddenly at the window. Hands back As they move down the lane, alongside the customs building. Jaye looks in the rearview. Aaron looks over his shoulder.
UP AHEAD: FLASHING POLICE LIGHTS -- the road is blocked. Jaye slows to a stop, blinded by the floodlights facing her. WONDERFALLS "CRIME DOG" 1AHM02 (YELLOW) 8/22/03 48.
EXT. NEAR U.S. CUSTOMS BUILDING - ROAD BLOCK - NIGHT - Jaye and Aaron do as they’re told. They emerge, terrified, hands up. Aaron’s got the Cow Creamer in his raised hand. Now from the heavy backlight emerges a FIGURE smoking a cigarette. Cigarette Smoking Sharon.
EXT. NEAR U.S. CUSTOMS BUILDING - ROAD BLOCK - NIGHT - DARKNESS. WHOMP! We’re looking up from INSIDE THE TRUNK as it POPS OPEN revealing several UNIFORMED OFFICERS. They flash BRIGHT FLASHLIGHTS at -- -- Yvette, cowered in the trunk on an Ewok blankie.
WIDER - if there were doves, this would be a John Woo Moment as Jaye, Aaron and Yvette are all taken into custody and hustled in slow motion past Cigarette Smoking Sharon. As Jaye and Sharon share a look that has a world of history contained within it.
INT. POLICE STATION - JAYE’S INTERROGATION ROOM - PRESENT Jaye sits alone in the interrogation room, uncomfortable. She glances to the two-way mirror, then to the face-down Crime Dog display. She casually reaches for it, rights it. The door opens. She quickly pulls her hand away. Hale is at the door. with Sharon. Jaye reacts to that, stiffening.
Say I’m your lawyer so we can talk privately.
Sharon looks to Hale. A beat, Hale leaves.
Well, if it isn’t the squealer. Thanks for squealing, squealer. WONDERFALLS "CRIME DOG" 1AHM02 (YELLOW) 8/22/03 50.
Um, could it be the squealing? You ambushed us with the fuzz. You were all back-lit and evil-smoking like that guy on the X-Files. You ratted out your own brother and sister. Is this because we like each other better than we like you? INT. POLICE STATION - BEHIND THE TWO-WAY GLASS - CONTINUOUS Where Sloan and Hale view the pantomime argument.
The blonde one’s queer. Look at her. Those fingernails are a dead giveaway. Cut all nice and short. Clean cuticle beds. Lesbians always trim their nails like that. Ya know why? INT. POLICE STATION - JAYE’S INTERROGATION ROOM - CONTINUOUS 43 That’s because they tipped me. I knew you’d try something stupid like this, which is why I tagged your name so when it came up in the system I’d know about it.
And then you just dropped everything and came charging to the rescue? WONDERFALLS "CRIME DOG" 1AHM02 (YELLOW) 8/22/03 51.
You might not want to think “release” so much as “parole.” Which I’m sure you’ll be eligible for at some point. You were driving the car that was used for trafficking human flesh and was involved in destruction of private property. And, oh yeah, you beat up an old man.
They’ve already filed for extradition.
Sharon -- this is your one chance to redeem yourself. I don’t care how you do it, but you can not let them send her back there. To face charges. Reckless endangerment. vandalism. assault. driving the wrong way down a one-way street -- WONDERFALLS "CRIME DOG" 1AHM02 (YELLOW) 8/22/03 52.
I don’t think you do. After they’re finished with you there, the U.S. will probably bring you back here to answer for attempted smuggling. You’re wanted in two countries.
Guess it’s a lucky thing I got me a good lawyer, huh? Sharon softens at that. She looks at Jaye. Actually, you might want to consider new representation -- I don’t think I can stop this.
It’s not your fault. I’ll be okay. Just try to get Aaron out.
No. You admitted you were driving the car.
You know there’s like six “Law And Orders” on the air now. Have you never seen one of them? And I guess they already sent Yvette back.
Hilariously enough, she gets to stay.
In a U.S. jail, until her identity can be established. Did you know her real name’s Cindy something? INT. POLICE STATION - JAIL CELL - NIGHT - PRESENT Jaye and Yvette sit side by side in the otherwise empty cell.
I’m sorry I asked for that pancake. I’m sorry you got deported. I’m sorry I made such a mess of things. I’m sorry about your parents and I’ve wondered if I made a mistake. Now I know I didn’t. WONDERFALLS "CRIME DOG" 1AHM02 (YELLOW) 8/22/03 54.
Hale appears at the cell door. Opens it.
Off Jaye, steeling herself for Canadian justice -- INT. POLICE STATION - CORRIDOR - NIGHT - PRESENT WONDERFALLS "CRIME DOG" 1AHM02 (YELLOW) 8/22/03 55.
So is Canada still ruled by the Queen of England? Because if the judges there are gonna be wearing wigs, as an American I might have an issue with that.
You’re not going to Canada. Ever again, probably. They’ve put a restriction on your passport.
Charges have been dropped. You’re going home.
Hale leads Jaye around a corner, revealing: INT. POLICE STATION - RECEIVING ROOM - NIGHT - PRESENT MOM, SHARON AND AARON all wait for her.
Jaye rushes to her, embraces her, ecstatic.
I take back every bad thing I ever said about you -- you’re the best lawyer a sister could have! She embraces Sharon. Sharon recoils a little. Jaye disengages, looks at her -- WONDERFALLS "CRIME DOG" 1AHM02 (YELLOW) 8/22/03 56.
Jaye gives Sharon a quizzical look. then suddenly she’s embracing Sharon again because THE FILM IS NOW GOING IN REVERSE MOTION. Jaye walks backwards with Hale back through the door. Sharon, Aaron and Mom all greet in reverse then part. Aaron is led away -- backwards. We STAY WITH SHARON. Things are SPEEDING UP NOW.
Sharon in the interrogation room. A wet cigarette hops out of the coffee cup into her fingers, lit again, the smoke she blew out goes back in her mouth.
Sharon watching Jaye, Aaron and Yvette get un-arrested in the reverse John Woo Moment (this moment jumps back to SLOW MOTION, because, how could it not?), then we’re ZIPPING FAST AGAIN as.
The FILM is SPEEDING SO FAST now that it’s all just a BLUR, until we LAND IN: INT. TYLER HOUSE - KITCHEN - DAY - FLASHBACK Yeah, a flashback of a flashback. We’ve landed back at the top of Act II. We move in REVERSE at nearly regular speed for just a brief moment, then we’re GOING FORWARD AGAIN, as: Dad stands up and takes a deep breath, then quietly walks out of the room. As he goes: It’s just very, very sad. I’m very sad.
The room is still for a moment after Dad is gone, then: Sharon, go talk to him. You’re his favorite. Sharon reacts, hops up and goes after Dad. This time we follow Sharon to -- INT. TYLER HOUSE - LIVING ROOM - DAY - FLASHBACK Dad has moved to a shelf of framed photos. He’s picked up one. Looks at it. Sharon appears, moves to him.
She’s been with us for over twenty years. We practically raised her.
He just silently nods. Sharon exits. Dad continues to look at the photo.
ANGLE - THE PHOTOGRAPH. A birthday party for an EIGHT YEAR- OLD JAYE. TEN YEAR-OLD AARON and THIRTEEN YEAR-OLD SHARON all caught in a chaotic moment. MOM AND DAD are in the shot, as is YVETTE, clearly more a part of the scene then a server within it.
DAD - regards the photo for a beat. He picks up the phone, dials. Sydney. Darrin. Feel like a game of golf? And now we’re HIGH SPEED FAST FORWARDING AGAIN. ZIPPING PAST those SHARON MOMENTS again, with lots of BLUR in between. until we get to the John Woo Moment, of course, then it’s all 120 Frames Per Second Slow Motion again, then ZIP! Fasty McFast and we land right back at -- INT. POLICE STATION - RECEIVING ROOM - NIGHT - PRESENT Jaye looks to Aaron and Mom. They glance across the corridor. Jaye follows their gazes to see: Seen in a private room. Dad’s very authoritative, even MOS. *He’s showing Sloan a letter. Hale joins them. More discussion. Sloan says something to Hale, Hale moves off.
Your father’s very upset. Make sure you thank him. WONDERFALLS "CRIME DOG" 1AHM02 (YELLOW) 8/22/03 58.
He compromised his principles and wrote a very large check to the Bradleys.
Sharon strokes Mom’s back with a comforting hand.
Hale exits through the door Jaye came out of. Jaye smiles at the comment. Not hating it. Now Dad turns, sees Jaye. She wipes the smile off her face and looks appropriately contrite as he approaches, stone-faced.
I wasn’t, either. They didn’t mistreat me.
You owe me forty-five hundred dollars.
I’m sorry I made you compromise your principles.
The first principle is always family. You take care of them first.
Jaye turns to see: Hale has emerged with Yvette.
Your father had a little round of midnight golf. He arranged a limited amnesty for Yve -- Cindy. And this time she’s gonna pass that test and become a proud American.
Jaye lets the rest of them get a little ahead of her, takes them in as a unit. Smiles, then follows.
DARK. The trunk pops open exposing blinding daylight and REVEALING JAYE wearing her work smock. It’s an all new day -- * Jaye pulls Aaron’s “Return of the Jedi” blanket and pillow out of the trunk, tucks them under her arm. She moves through the yard, steers a wide berth around the flamingos. SHARON’S CAR pulls up in front of the house. A leisure-suited Sharon hops out of her car carrying a tennis racket and heads to the house. Jaye kicks the door shut behind her. Sharon hits the door hard expecting it to open, but it doesn’t. She jiggles the latch -- locked. She takes a breath, fumbles for her keys as -- -- Jaye unlocks the door and holds it open for Sharon. Sharon smiles, pleasantly surprised.
Jaye and Sharon ENTER to find Dad, Mom, Aaron and Yvette sitting around the breakfast table. It’s Sunday morning and everyone is casually dressed. Mom, like Sharon, is in a leisure suit, filling her thermos with coffee. Sharon b- Dad quizzes Yvette as he reads his paper.
Of course you know, you’re already an American.
Jaye tosses the pillow and blanket on the floor outside the kitchen and pulls up a chair next to Aaron.
Jaye exchanges a look with Yvette, then back to her parents.
Mom and Dad react, pleased. Jaye glances at the Creamer; its *head is missing in a suspiciously clean break. Instead of the small hole in its mouth, it has a big hole in its neck.
He demonstrates by pouring cream into his coffee from the headless cow’s neck. Yvette brings a plate with pancakes over to Jaye. Sets it in front of her, then takes her seat again as CAMERA STARTS PULLING BACK, taking in this family tableau -- WONDERFALLS "CRIME DOG" 1AHM02 (YELLOW) 8/22/03 62.
And as the CROSSTALK becomes overlapping chit-chat --


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